Switch.

So I’ve decided to switch back to blogger.  I know!  Make up your mind!

Comment on Cigarette Tax

The other day I was reading about the new hike in cigarette taxes.  Below is a comment from another reader:

“We should be encouraging smoking especially among the elderly and retired auto workers. This would help reduce Social Security outlays and benefits that we have to pay to the auto workers since we now own Chrysler and GM since they would all die earlier. Also, the more smokers we have, the more money that will be available for Mr. Obama and his cronies to spend – opps – waste.”

Dreamland.

We are standing in the kitchen as if we had done so a thousand other nights.  The weather is cool and a slight breeze permeates the air.  My parents are here this time.  I think it odd at first, to have you and them together, but the more I think, the more natural it seems.

I complain about things.  You listen.  Like you always do.  Listening has always been something you do well.  You know just the right thing to say during each pause.  Ten measures of music followed by one measure of rest.  Other nights,
we exchange roles, although the song is the same. Tonight, I am the
music, you are my rest.

You are in my room as I enter.  I sit down on the bed.  You then offer me help to the problems I had mentioned earlier.  Help that I never expected… but perhaps should have.

“You don’t have to do that,” I say.  “Really, it’s unnecessary.”

“But I want to.  I care about you and I want to help,”

I slowly get up from the bed.  I walk over towards you and wrap my arms around you.  Your embrace always soothes away the most wearisome of days, but today it is has a feeling like I never felt before.  I smile.  We hold one another as if the world is ending.

“I wish this could last forever,” you whisper in my ear.

We hold each other tighter.  I can imagine myself in no better place than in your sweet embrace.  We then stand here, silently, gazing into each other’s eyes.  Your cute smile withers away all my worries.

“I can tell you’re a really great guy.”

I squeeze you tighter as the words fall out of your mouth.  My heart beats faster.  My mind races in every direction.

I then awake from this mockery of reality to find myself alone.  I rollover in bed and clutch my pillow.  For now this will have to do.

Zimbabwe & Inflation

The country [Zimbabwe], once a breadbasket of Africa, is also in the midst of an economic crisis, with its official rate of inflation at 231 million percent — the world’s highest.

And you thought the U.S. was in a recession!

India, Police, & Guns

I was completely in shock at the events that recently occurred in India.  Like many people, I thought, “How could this go on for so long?”  I think the following excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article sums it up.

“The two gunmen moved along two separate paths toward the station’s main entrance, firing as they walked. They met virtually no resistance, even though several dozen police officers are usually deployed at the station. ‘They were killing the public, and the police just ran away,’ says Ram Vir, a coffee vendor whose stand is near Platform 8.

“B.S. Sidhu, head of the Railway Protection Force for the Mumbai region, says that while some officers tried to fight back, there was little his force could do. Most police officers at the station — as they are throughout India — were unarmed or carried only bamboo sticks known as lathis.”

In 2008, the police in India are still armed with sticks?!?!  WOW!

Source:  WSJ

Head Transplant?!

This is completely bizarre!

Keith Olbermann on Prop 8

Urban Dictionary Fun!

Motorcycle Futon Fuck

A couple sits on a futon in a slouched position, wearing motorcycle helmets. the male on bottom in a seated position, the female on top but on her knees as if riding a crotch rocket. The female must also twist the males nipple while performing intercourse while he makes motorcycle noises. As they near climax, they both must begin headbutt each other until the weaker party is unconscious. The consious party then deficates in the others helmet and seals the facemask shut with duct tape.

Josh: Hey guys, why does my motorcyle helmet stink so bad?
John and Abby: I don’t know…we didn’t use it for our motorcycle futon fuck.

Sex in a Bag

A person who is extremely sexy.

Damn that T-Bones is sex in a bag.

Penis Biscuit

1. An exclamation usually directed at a person.
2. A biscuit cut in half, with a penis in the middle.

“Blowesha, you’re a god damned penis biscuit!”
“Carrie likes penis biscuits for breakfast.”

Untitled.

trying to convince the unconvinceable
with such precise precision presiding over each decision
of where to place, where to position each repetition –
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you
of where to place, where to position each repetition –
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you

each meeting always mixed
with the fixed idea of who did what and where and to whom
always erupting, disrupting our speech as we each preach
to the other as if a mother admonishing her child

confrontation compounding compounding compounding until
rationality and its counter clash into a crash
into a frantic dash of emotion and the notion of who was always right
and we fight into the night not knowing
it was neither you
nor I who was always right

those long long nights filled with fights
only accomplished one thing
always always always
causing compromise to end in goodbyes

Melancholy.

Lately, for some reason, I have been nostalgic of the times BF #4 and I shared.  I say I am over him, perhaps only partly true, because maybe, just maybe by saying it then it will help me to detach myself emotionally from him.  Completely retarded, I KNOW!!

I ask myself, “Why after four months do I still sometimes find myself still missing him?”  Perhaps it has been the unseasonably warm weather reminding me of the great memories we shared this summer and last, perhaps it is the fact that I was not able to celebrate my birthday with him (yes, friends are great but there is an emotional void that friends are unable to fill), perhaps it is because I will not be able to be with him on his birthday that is coming up this month, or maybe it is because I still have his picture framed in my bedroom.  Whatever the reason, I wish I could free myself from him completely.

Yesterday

By:  Leona Lewis

I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Without you by my side
Oooo where we had so much in store
Tell me what is it all reaching for
When were through building memories
I’ll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we’ll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we’ll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least where the story goes
I never believed it until now
I know I’ll see you again I’m sure
No it’s not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can’t take yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They take the music that we’ll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we’ll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasn’t our destiny
‘Coz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
No I can believe me I can still find the strength in The moments we made
I’m looking back on yesterday

[Repeat chorus]

Overheard on the Streek & A Joke

Overheard on the streek tonight:  “They knew they couldn’t prove the assault charges…”

LOL!!

And a joke….

Q:  How many Ethiopians fit into a one-man tent?

A:  ALL OF THEM!

Dance Video

I JUST finished watching this video, courtesy of fixator, and am COMPLETELY in love!!  I am so going to learn these dance moves for the next time I hit the clubs!  Who’s with me?

It’s Oh So Quiet

What a GREAT song!  It’s not a new song but still…

It’s Oh So Quiet

It’s oh so quiet
shh shh
It’s oh so still
shh shh
You’re all alone
shh shh
And so peaceful until…

You fall in love
zing boom
The sky up above
zing boom
Is caving in
wow bam
You’ve never been so nuts about a guy
You wanna laugh you wanna cry
You cross your heart and hope to die

‘Til it’s over and then
shh shh
It’s nice and quiet
shh shh
But soon again
shh shh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse
zing boom
The devil cuts loose
zing boom
So what’s the use
wow bam
Of falling in love

It’s oh so quiet
It’s oh so still
You’re all alone
And so peaceful until…

You ring the bell
bim bam
You shout and you yell
hi ho ho
You broke the spell
Gee, this is swell you almost have a fit
This guy is “gorge” and I got hit
There’s no mistake this is it

‘Til it’s over and then
It’s nice and quiet
shh shh
But soon again
shh shh
Starts another big riot

You blow a fuse
zing boom
The devil cuts loose
zing boom
What’s the use
wow bam
Of falling in love

The sky caves in
The devil cuts loose
You blow blow blow blow your fuse
When you’ve fallen in love

ssshhhhhh…

Random Jokes! LOLH!!

What’s funnier than a dead baby?
– A dead baby in a clown costume!

What’s funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume?
– A dead baby in a clown costume sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

How did the blond atone for her sins?
– She douched with holy water!

What did the deaf, blind, kid with one leg get for his birthday?
– CANCER!

What’s worse than getting food in your hair?
– CANCER!

IYAD-WYAD-YAG-WYAG

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got!”

If you know me, then you know that I LOVE acronyms.  I was chatting with someone the other day and ended the chat with TTYL and he had no idea what that meant!  WAH!  I could understand if someone did not understand me because I was using some of the acronyms that I have made up, but come on, TTYL?!  (talk to you later)  For those of you who are wondering what these made up acronyms I speak about are, here is a brief list to help you “get me” a little better:

NTO:  Not the one

LOML:  Love of my life

LOYL:  Love of your life

MFEO:  Made for each other

LOLH:  Laugh out loud hilarity

RR:  Ray-roll

MC:  Missed connection

CL:  Craig’s list

BF:  Boyfriend

BTW:  By the way

Crgaysian:  Crazy gay Asian (technically not an acronym, but close enough)(from Jessica and Hunter)

You are probably wondering how does a person even go about integrating these acronyms into normal conversation.  Well, it’s easy.  Take this example:

I broke up with the LOML last night.  He was clearly NTO.  After we broke up I got on CL to check the MC and saw some really crazy shit.  It was LOLH!!  BTW, how is the LOYL?

Speaking of BF’s, I recently (and by recently I mean 3 months ago) broke up with my ASIAN BF.  Yeah, don’t feel too sad.  He was a serial cheater!!  In fact, his mantra was – Do as I say, not as I do!  After I caught him cheating on me the first time, I confronted him about it and he responded with, “Sorry, you all look the same to me!”  Well, how could I argue with that?  All white people DO look alike!  Needless to say, six months after that incident things ended up not working out.

So, take my advice:  IYAC-LYAC-YAG-WYAG(D)!

[If you always cheat like you’ve always cheated, you’ll always get what you’ve always got (dumped)!]

What are Americans like?

I am taking a management class this semester and in part of the book the authors discuss what Americans are like.  Here are a few of the things they have to say…

Americans dislike silence.  They would rather talk about the weather than deal with silence in a conversation.

Americans value punctuality.  They keep appointment calendars and live according to schedules and clocks.

Americans value cleanliness.  They often seem obsessed with bathing, eliminating body odors, and wearing clean clothes.

Is it just me or are those hilarious?!  My education dollars at work (as we speak).

World AIDS Day

I am so excited about World AIDS Day that is coming up December 1. My immune system is already weakening with excitement that I can hardly stay alive. I realize that it is still two whole months away and that this post is a little early but I just can’t hold it in anymore. Just like all white people, I love events that occur one day a year to celebrate/memorialize/commemorate a certain group of people.  It just happens that people with AIDS are my FAVORITE group of people (with black people in close second).

I am in a bit of a dilemma, though.  I can’t quite decide what to dress up as.  Here are a couple of ideas I have so far…

1.  Full-blown AIDS

2.  Man with a caved-in face

3.  A protease inhibitor

4.  Or just be HIV

I wonder if there will be a POZ Pride Parade to go along with the festivities this year…  I suspect that if there is one then Walgreen would be the grand marshall (or perhaps Pfizer).  I can just imagine the chants of the people in the parade – now we stand here broken-hearted, for all the victims who’ve departed – as this year’s theme song “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears plays in the background.  The usual gay cheerleaders will be in the parade except they are not skinny because they are anorexic and/or bulimic.  No, it’s because they are wasting away from their AIDS medication!  (Gosh, just kidding.  Why you so serious?)

Speaking of theme songs, what do you suppose the theme song for super AIDS would be?  Perhaps “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by Daft Punk? 

Be sure to send me costume ideas and I hope to see you at the POZ Pride Parade, if not before!

BANNED!!

I love it when people ban things.

They like to ban plastic bags…

“Last year, San Francisco became the first U.S. city to ban the bags [plastic bags] from supermarkets and chain drug stores, and this month, the city of Westport, Conn., banned most kinds of plastic bags at retail checkout counters.  Boston, Baltimore and Portland, Ore., are also considering bans.”

Fast food restaurants…

“A law that would bar fast-food restaurants from opening in South Los Angeles for at least a year sailed through the Los Angeles City Council on Tuesday.”

Cell phones in crosswalks…

“A state senator from Brooklyn said on Tuesday he plans to introduce legislation that would ban people from using an MP3 player, cell phone, Blackberry or any other electronic device while crossing the street in New York City and Buffalo. 

“NewsChannel 4 reported that Sen. Carl Kruger is proposing the ban in response to two recent pedestrian deaths in his district, including a 23-year-old man who was struck and killed last month while listening to his iPod on Avenue T and East 71st Street In Bergen Beach.”

If somethings SOUNDS dangerous then you can probably expect someone somewhere is proposing a ban to help keep YOU safe.  I love how everyone is always looking out for me.  I feel like those little amoebas in the ocean that are on the endangered species list who receive thousands of dollars in aid every year to help keep them alive.  If it weren’t for HUMANS what would ANIMALS do?!  Probably go extinct!

With so many people wanting to ban something, I have a couple things I’d like to ban, too.

THINGS TO BAN:

1.  PEOPLE who like to play games.

2.  Having sex at the gym (oh, wait, that’s what I like to do!).

3.  Chicken bones on the bus (except for black people).

4.  Black people (jk lol).

5.  Breayd trucks (they cause too much confusion).

6.  Guys who are ugly in the face (or have a caved in face).

 

Feel free to add to the list if there is anything you would like to never see again.  If we can just stick together then I am sure we can get it banned!

I Lost My Grip

To quote a wise man, “Sometimes you start to lose your grip, but if you’re smart, it is during these times that you learn things you never knew.”

Well, I am retarded; therefore, I lost my grip.  But, I was smart enough to realize that I had lost my grip and took the necessary actions to rectify the situation.  There comes a time when a person’s “roll” must come to a screeching halt.  Mine has.  The days of having my cake and eating it too have come to an end!  I pulled the reins ever so gently (or as gently as the situation allowed) and said, “Woah!”  I am happy to say that for the time being I have regained my grip.

But sometimes I wish the government would just bail me out of my ridiculous predicaments rather than me having to deal with all of the problems that I caused upon myself.  People make mistakes and I shouldn’t be held accountable for ALL of the things I do wrong.  Relationships as we know them could cease to exist if I am not bailed out of my problems.  The entire infrastructure could collapse!  Left would be right, bottom would be top, cheating would be monogamy, gay would be straight, and AIDS would be a RASH!  You see, if I am continually losing my grip there is no other choice than a government bailout. 

So, if you ever see me beginning to lose my grip, stop for a minute and think – Do I really want everything I know to be true to become inverted?

(The answer is no.)

Coat Check, Please!

Last Sunday I went to Northend with BF #4 and two of his friends (just friends?) to have a couple drinks.  For those of you that have never been to Northend, it is a sports oriented bar.  I have never been a huge sports fanatic but I have never hated them either and anything coupled with alcohol can never be that bad of an idea (except maybe AIDS and alcohol – that could be a deadly combination).  

It just happened to be the Bears first game of the season and, as a result, the bar was brimming with MASC men!  (I won’t dare delve into the topic of homo-eroticism and football in this post.)  Never had I seen so many queeny guys congregating in one place attempting to demonstrate to one another that they too can be butchy.  Apparently, all one needs to do to be masc is to wear one’s baseball cap backwards (or a football jersey or a jersey of any sports team for that matter) and spout off some football jargon every once in a while.  Voila!

I have to admit that in the midst of this identity conundrum I still managed to have loads (and by loads I mean cum loads.. jk lol.. just pretend I didn’t say that) of fun!  I had just as much or even more fun than had I stayed out until 5 a.m. at the RE-Berlins.  Not only did I intermittently watch some of the football game, I managed to come in last in a dart competition, win one out of four games of pool, and chug three beers.  At this point you may be asking yourself how an attractive, brilliant, intellectual, genius like myself could possibly have fun on a night like that.  Well, there is a simple (and by simple I mean brilliant) explanation for that.

Most intellectuals like to congregate amongst themselves, discuss the most pressing issues, engage in AIDS related banter, and compliment themselves on how brilliant they are.  Well, not ME!  Unlike most intellectuals, as I catwalk my sexy self through the slew of half-naked bodies of men and make my way to the coat check, not only do I check my 100% pure leather couture jacket and matching scarf (VERY expensive, you probably couldn’t afford it) but I also check my intellect as well.   Now, with the faculty of reasoning and understanding gone, I can have all the drunken, retarded fun I want just like all the other queens!

So, the next time you find yourself quietly sitting in the corner of your neighborhood gay bar having a lousy time just march your proud (and by proud I mean gay) self up to coat check and rid yourself of the brilliance (that your friends never get) and just have fun!