Switch.

So I’ve decided to switch back to blogger.  I know!  Make up your mind!

Zimbabwe & Inflation

The country [Zimbabwe], once a breadbasket of Africa, is also in the midst of an economic crisis, with its official rate of inflation at 231 million percent — the world’s highest.

And you thought the U.S. was in a recession!

Once again

the searches people do to find my blog leave me laughing hysterically.

“can hiv survive in a ketchup bottle”
“working for the t-bones”
“ways to prepare tbones”
“hiv through gloryhole”

LOL

My life.

“I have had it. I’m sick and tired. I’m fed up, at my wits ends, at the end of my rope, had my fill, won’t tolerate any more… Suggestion, insinuation, constructive criticism, nuanced phrases, advice or passing commentary
On how I live my life or what might possibly be wrong with it.
You know, I’m a reasonable intelligent person. I don’t drive intoxicated. I don’t commit crimes that endanger anyone. I’m not a bigot, a sexist, a fundamentalist, a radical or a sexual deviant.
I’m tired of people telling me how and what I ought to do to ensure a better future.
Most of these people have good intentions, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying. I’ve got a plan.
It might not be the best plan and it might not be the popular plan, but it’s my plan and its what I’m going to do. It’s as simple as that.
I’m tired of being told about being gay. I’m tired of people telling me I’m not born this way, that I’m going to hell for it, or that I’m sort of sex fiend because of it. These things aren’t said to me as information like, “Smoking will kill you know.” It’s said to judge me, to cut me down, to make me feel a little less about myself, to make me believe I’m doing something wrong. It isn’t said so I’ll change. It’s said so I’ll hate myself. I don’t understand. This is my life. And the way I live it, the things I do with it, the parts of it I’m born with and can’t change (even if I wanted to) are not open for discussion.
Unto myself, I am gay. What’s it to you Mr. always-has-something- to-say, homophobic, never-made-the-honor-roll, Dixie jackass? I didn’t ask you to be gay. I didn’t tell you it was better than the way you lived life. And yet I should burn in hell, I should commit suicide, I should vacate your precious straight America?

I don’t live in fear of hell, sir. I live with the fear that heaven could possibly be populated by people like you.
I also live with the reality of the greatest country on the Planet;
I obviously don’t agree with the things you say. But unlike you, I absolutely believe in your right to say it, foolish and ignorant as it might be.

If it’s crazy, someone else’s thing is to spout against it. If it’s good, it’s someone else’s thing to help that good be seen. If it’s dangerous then there’s some out there whose thing it is to protect people from it. It doesn’t matter what people do. There will always be someone else to balance them out.
So no matter what it is, I don’t see it making any difference in the individual lives of anyone where on when I shove my show.

I’m American. I’m Panamanian. I’m Gay. I’m democratic and I’m an elitist.
I’m always going to be all of those things.
No matter what anyone says, no matter how witty they think they are, no matter what credentials they have, it’s always going to be true. I’m going to live how I want to live. I’m going to make the decisions I think are the best at the time. I’m going to love whatever my heart tells me to. I’m going to spend all my money on absolutely nothing and I’m going to do it with a smile.
And I invite the entire world to kiss my ass if that’s just so unacceptable.”

- Philip 2005

I was going through some of the writings of one of my favorite writers and came across this. I love it and thought I would share it with anyone who reads this blog.

Never meant to be.

I was excited with the expectation of meeting and discovering who this man is that I had been talking to for so long. I kept telling myself that this “date” we were to have meant nothing. This would have been in all likelihood the ONLY time we would have met.

I questioned why I would want to go meet someone that I was so interested in if there would never be a future possibility of getting to know him better. And, even with that realization, I still desired to see him more than ever. I needed to know if this person is really in fact everything that I had imagined. I needed to know if a future date COULD have existed. The two possibilities raced through my mind. If you are the sweet, innocent, perfect man for me that I had envisioned then our first date would be all too bittersweet. If you are the antithesis of what I had imagined you to be then feelings of despondency would creep in. There was really no ideal outcome that could have been achieved.

But, I was still excited to meet you. I purchased some beautiful flowers earlier in the day. I imagined us sitting together to a nice quiet dinner. It would have been an adventure, a chance to be silly, to have fun, to laugh and to smile, to create memories that will last a lifetime. It would have been romantic but not uncomfortable, casual and easy-going. A walk along the lake after a nice dinner, enjoying a nice wine with undoubtedly good conversation. There would have been a crispness in the air, but not too cold. I would grasp his hand in mine and we would enjoy a silent smile, knowing that this moment it was right, that nothing could take this moment away from us.

That is the perfect date I envisoned us having.

It never was, never will be, but I’ll still be ok.

You are beautiful to me.

I tucked it away underneath that old, familiar blanket. Strands of crimson, cream, and olive weaved together to form the warm resting place of my heart. I left it there the day you constructed that wall of silence between us. Each subsequent day I continued my routine of life. I denied your existence, told myself it was a dream.

“If there was no you then there could never be the unanswered questions, the pain, the heartache, the craving, or the want,” I continually told myself.

The snow blew hard that day as I peered out the window and envisioned us curled up next to a fire. The rain dripped down off the curls of my hair as I imagined us dancing under the storm clouds. I spent these silent moments with you. I felt your comforting presence, even in the silence you had pronounced upon us.

I could never forget you, the many conversations we had, or the feelings evoked from them. I still have them, your words, and read them when I feel alone. They comfort and caress me. Many times I have attempted to scale that cold, slippery wall just to catch a glimpse of your sweet face or hear your gentle voice. Each time falling back to where I began… until last night.

“Hi,” you said.

No sweeter words had I ever heard. I smiled at the possibilities of being able to speak to you once again.

Why? – that’s all I really needed to know. I needed to know why and how a person can suddenly end everything without even looking back. I needed to know how a person could leave with no explanation, no goodbye, no “thanks for everything but I must go now.”

Tonight I will know everything I desire as we converse over dinner. Tonight I will see who this man is that has captured a piece of me. Tonight I will either go to meet my prince or the aberration of all my hopes, desires, and emotions.

Untitled.

I’ve debated for some time about whether to post this or not. It is something I have been working on for some time and rather recently have just not been able to find the motivation to complete it. Still, it is a story that means a lot to me. I don’t foresee myself completing it anytime soon so I will post it as is.

I walk in through a door not made of wood. I return. I had traveled here once before now returning again to the empty, soul depriving nourishment my body so craves. It is oddly familiar yet entirely new. There are no walls, no ceiling or floor. I find the perimeters to be only fenced off by the horizons. I enter into a land where conversations lined with lust-filled desires await. I come with the anticipation of the end of something great…and so, I prepare myself. I don the battle gear of lessons learned, of hopes lost, of desires unfulfilled.

I dip a toe in the flesh lined pool only to feel the cold sting of each cold-hearted gesture. I pause. I walk. To and fro, I go from one to the next as if sifting through a file cabinet of years passed. I shred the old out-dated dusty files, pass over the newly acquired files, put some aside to look over later. I glance at some, read others over carefully.

“It must be here somewhere,” I say aloud just needing to hear the voice of a sound mind.

In the craziness of this world I often find myself needing to hear the voice of a man….and so I speak. I ramble on and on while browsing through the fruit section, discuss the weather while waiting for a bus, shout gestures in disgust of war while maintaining the imbalance of life. In each insipid conversation spewing from these lips, each banal remark emanating from this mind, I know that there is so much more out there for me to discover.

“Hello.”

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“Waz up?”

Each salutation becomes increasingly desperate and pathetic as I journey onward. But I continue on this path lined not with flowers but with disappointments. Each disappointment has, to my surprise, proven to be a blessing in disguise. As unpoetic as it may be, as odd as it may sound, through the despondency of it all I have become a livelier being. I still have hope and it is that hope that drives me forward. It is that hope of something new, of something great, of something never before felt that propels me into this land of emptiness where words are meaningless and selfish flattery abound.

The ground is lined with pebbles and as I shuffle my feet I watch them shoot out in all directions. I look at each pebble, each one being unique and beautiful in its own way but there is one that stands out from the rest. I slowly stoop down to gaze at this pebble that magnanimously embodies the destination this soul seeks. The sun radiates ever so gently upon it so that when I reach to touch, sensations of warmth envelop my entire being. A calmness overcomes this tired body of mine and for once in my life I can say I feel at peace.

Free.

There was a time when you came into my humble abode. I let you in, opened the door. You came like a gentle peaceful springtime rain shower. You wet my face, each lock of hair dripping with your kindness. I welcomed your presence.

Hello. Come in. Stay. Don’t go.

You sang your songs. You sang in the rain. We danced together, our heads lifted to the sky as each droplet fell on our tongues let loose from our mouths. Each unfamiliar step in this dance we learned together set our souls free. I had been starved of the mana that accompanied you that day. Like the rains that pour down from the heavens you appeared as a god send.

Renewed. Rejuvenated. Restored. Revived.

I threw away all inhibitions, an intoxication yet to be known. Emotions yet to be felt, feelings that have all but been forgotten now bubbled up as if I were an unopened bottle of champagne.

This time it was right. It must be right. I held onto this belief for far too long. Thoughts of you enveloped my entire being. Free. I must free myself of this addiction, of this emotional consumption… consuming, eating, devouring my heart.

Biting. Gnashing. Scratching. Clawing.

I inhaled my last image of you today. Today I am free. Today I am no longer possessed by your haunting smile and the laughter I envisioned as we walked hand in hand along the lakefront.

Free. I can hardly hold myself up as I realize the full implications of such a thing. Free…

Calculator

Go to this website and fill it out.  It was a very interesting answer!

Sexuality

An object is defined by the characteristics it exhibits. An object that is defined as having three sides and three angles which add up to 180 degrees is objectively referred to as a triangle. If it were to exhibit one and only one of these qualities it would cease to be called a triangle. In order for one thing to be something it must fit all the criterion. If all of the criterion is met, it would be absurd to deny its existence and simply say it only simply exhibits the qualities of said object (i.e. that three-sided object whose angles add up to 180 degrees is not a triangle, but is merely a polygon with those qualities associated with a triangle).

Gore Vidal said,

“There is no such thing as a homosexual or a heterosexual person. There are only homo- or heterosexual acts. Most people are a mixture of impulses if not practices, and what anyone does with a willing partner is of no social or cosmic significance.”

To deny that a person who exhibits all qualities given to that of a homosexual or heterosexual person is in fact a homo- or heterosexual is contradictory. According to Vidal’s statement, most persons are bisexual, engaging in a mixture of homosexual and heterosexual acts. Vidal purposefully qualifies his statement with “most people.” And for those who do not fit into the “most people are a mixture” group?

An impulse is an act occurring naturally/unconsciously. To remove my hand from a hot stovetop is a natural impulse by my brain telling my hand that if I do not remove it then it will incur a burn. To say that a persons sexual acts (keep in mind, Vidal says it is “a mixture of impulses”) are a naturally occurring impulse is to say that a person is inherently born with a natural inclination to be attracted to both sexes. A person is born with a stronger tendency, not an inherent natural inclination, to be attracted to a certain sex but it is through environmental factors that this tendency is fully developed, and thus, a persons sexuality is determined, whether it be homosexual, heterosexual, or bisexual.

Love

Tonight I was thinking back on past relationships. And I’ve had some really great ones, in fact, all of my past relationships (and by relationships I am talking about when you feel like this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with) were really great….sure, there were rough times but rough times accompany every aspect of life.

And so, I thought I would share some of the many things I have learned from them…

If it didn’t work out the first time, then more often than not it won’t work out the second time for the exact same reasons it didn’t work out the first time.

Don’t be too proud to listen and learn.

Once trust is gone from a relationship, it will cease to be what it was before. You might say you trust this person again but there is always that small sliver of doubt in your mind.

If you love someone, never be afraid to say it.

In the very beginning you know. There is always something that tells you that this is the one. Without even fully knowing this person you know that he is meant for you.

Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Losing yourself in order to gain a boyfriend is the worst kind of self-mutilation.

The feeling you get when you’re in love has no equal.

SEX!!

Underage sex has gotten a lot of publicity lately, namely, from the dateline specials “To Catch a Predator” and the recent Florida senator scandal. From what I understand, the legal age to consent to have sex varies from state to state. What is the criteria being used to determine these ages and why and how can it vary? The truth of the matter is that there is no criteria being used and it is simply a group of elected officials creating an arbitrary age at which an individual is able to determine whether they should or should not have sex.

To further complicate things, some states make same-sex sex illegal while other states allow same-sex sex at an age different from that of opposite-sex sex. For example, there are thirteen states that outlaw same-sex sex. Of the states that allow same-sex sex, the age varies greatly. In New Mexico same-sex sex is permissable at age 13 while opposite-sex sexual partners must wait until they are 17! What makes a homosexual more competent at making sexual decisions than a heterosexual?

This same logic, or lack thereof, can be found worldwide. In Serbia, male-to-male sex is legally allowed at age 18, female-to-female sex is legally allowed at age 14, and male-to-female sex is legally allowed at age 14. South Korea allows sex at age 13. In Saudia Arabia as well as Iran one must be married and seeing how same sex marriage is illegal makes same-sex sex also illegal. Heterosexual sex in Mexico is legally allowed at age 12 while in Tunisia one must be 20.

Is one person from one country more capable of making sexual decisions than a person from another country, or a person from one state than one from another? Such ridiculous, arbitrarily created laws must be repealed and objective criteria used.

(all statistics provided by http://www.ageofconsent.com/ageofconsent.htm)

Candide Quotes

Favorite quotes from Candide:

“A hundred times I wanted to kill myself, but still I loved life. This ridiculous weakness for living is perhaps one of our most fatal tendencies. For can anything be silier than to insist on carrying a burden one would continually much rather throw to the ground? Sillier than to feel disgust at one’s own existence and yet cling to it? Sillier, in short, than to clasp to our heart?”

“But human nature in its pure state is good after all, since these people, instead of eating me, were all sweetness and light the minute they knew I wasn’t a Jesuit.”

“‘We don’t pray to God,’ said the good and worthy sage. ‘We have nothing to ask him for. He has given us all we need, and we never cease to thank him.’”

“‘I’m afraid to say,’ said Candide, ‘that it’s a mania for insisting that all is well when things are going badly.’”

“‘Do you think’, said Candide, ‘that men have always massacred each other the way they do now? that they’ve always been liars, cheats, traitors, ingrates, brigands? that they’ve always been feeble, fickly, envious, gluttonous, drunken, avaricious, ambitious, blood-thirsty, slanderous, debauched, fanatical, hypocritical, and stupid?’ / ‘Do you think’, said Martin, ‘that hawks have always eaten pigeons when they find them?’ / ‘Yes, no doubt,’ said Candide. / ‘Well, then,’ said Martin, ‘if hawks have always had the same character, why do you expect me to have changed theirs?’ / ‘Oh!’ said Candide, ‘there’s a big difference, because free will…’”

“Your presence will restore me to life, or make me die of pleasure.”

“All is but illusion and calamity.”

“Fools admire everything in a respected author.”

“I might have got on better with his philisophical works, but when I saw that he doubted everything, I decided that I knew as much as he did, and that I didn’t need anyone else’s help if I was going to be ignorant.”

“Work keeps us from the three great evils: boredom, vice, and need.”