Keith Olbermann on Prop 8

Untitled.

trying to convince the unconvinceable
with such precise precision presiding over each decision
of where to place, where to position each repetition -
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you
of where to place, where to position each repetition -
i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you

each meeting always mixed
with the fixed idea of who did what and where and to whom
always erupting, disrupting our speech as we each preach
to the other as if a mother admonishing her child

confrontation compounding compounding compounding until
rationality and its counter clash into a crash
into a frantic dash of emotion and the notion of who was always right
and we fight into the night not knowing
it was neither you
nor I who was always right

those long long nights filled with fights
only accomplished one thing
always always always
causing compromise to end in goodbyes

Melancholy.

Lately, for some reason, I have been nostalgic of the times BF #4 and I shared.  I say I am over him, perhaps only partly true, because maybe, just maybe by saying it then it will help me to detach myself emotionally from him.  Completely retarded, I KNOW!!

I ask myself, “Why after four months do I still sometimes find myself still missing him?”  Perhaps it has been the unseasonably warm weather reminding me of the great memories we shared this summer and last, perhaps it is the fact that I was not able to celebrate my birthday with him (yes, friends are great but there is an emotional void that friends are unable to fill), perhaps it is because I will not be able to be with him on his birthday that is coming up this month, or maybe it is because I still have his picture framed in my bedroom.  Whatever the reason, I wish I could free myself from him completely.

Yesterday

By:  Leona Lewis

I just cant believe your gone
Still waiting for morning to come
When I see if the sun will rise
Without you by my side
Oooo where we had so much in store
Tell me what is it all reaching for
When were through building memories
I’ll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we’ll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we’ll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always choose to stay
I should be thankful for everyday
Heaven knows what the future holds
Or least where the story goes
I never believed it until now
I know I’ll see you again I’m sure
No it’s not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face
But they can’t take yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They take the music that we’ll never play
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we’ll never know
They can take the places that we said we will go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
But it wasn’t our destiny
‘Coz in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
No I can believe me I can still find the strength in The moments we made
I’m looking back on yesterday

[Repeat chorus]

Dreams

Sometimes I think dreams are a way to help us deal with things that are to come…

LOST

Missing you terribly right now.

The Song of My Life?

Song: Bleeding Love
Artist: Leona Lewis

Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I….

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I….

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

An Economist’s Approach to Cheating

When in doubt, do a simple cost-benefit analysis!

 

The (Simplified) Cost-Benefit Analysis of Cheating

 

Assumptions:

1) Each benefit has a value of 1, each cost has a value of 1

Benefits:  

1) One-time sexual gratification

Costs:  

1) Loss of a lifetime of companionship

2) Loss of a lifetime of sexual gratification

3) Betrayal of trust

4) Loss of self-esteem

Conclusion:

Total benefits (1) < Total costs (4)

The total costs of cheating are greater than the total benefits of cheating, and as a result, a rational person should not cheat.  And, being the rational consumer/economist that I am, it would be illogical/irrational for me to cheat; therefore, I will NOT cheat.

It really IS that simple!

The Little Things.

It’s always the little things that you miss most.  

I try to keep my mind busy with school.  It’s not easy to study when there are a thousand things running through your mind.  I try not to keep looking for ways to have worked things out.  I seem trapped by my own fantastical delusions that keep me from moving on.

… because it’s always the little things that you miss most.

The phone call at the end of your day to say goodnight, cooking the simplest of foods together but somehow it always hits the spot, the text message you get in the middle of the day just to say I miss you…

I will remember you for all the great times we had together.  I will remember you for all the sweet, funny things you did for me.  I cry not for all the mistakes in our relationship but for all the wonderful memories we made together with the realization there will be no more.

They say it gets easier with time.  I find the opposite to be true.  With each passing day I find myself thinking about you more and more, find it more and more difficult to keep from calling you just to see how you are and if you miss me too.

I know you will probably never read this… but somehow I hope you do.

I hate it.

“You have to be very strong with yourself and make the decision… then stick with the decision even if someone tries to shake your mind.”

 

That’s the advice someone once gave me.  It’s easy for a person to decide one thing and then when they get ready to do it someone comes along and persuades that person to do something entirely different.  Too often I let other people change my mind and I never end up doing what it is I want/need to do.  I need to start taking that advice and actually do the things that I decide to do.  I need to stop procrastinating and get business done!

—-

It’s now several days since I began writing this post and I’m reminded about something my mother told me about a month ago when I was talking to her about my sister.  In regards to my sister’s situation she said, “If you let him treat you like that, he’s going to do it.”  She’s right.  And so is my good friend Blowesha:  “It seems to me that sometimes people love people they shouldn’t love.”

 

We always have a choice, even when it seems that we don’t.  I now look back at my past relationships and know that it was a good thing they ended.  I can clearly see how they were not a healthy part of my life and that even though it was difficult going through the breakup it was ultimately beneficial for me.  

 

I like to think I’ve grown as a result of my former relationships.  I like to think that I’ve learned things from them and because of that my future relationships will be even stronger.  I like to think that I’ve learned what kind of person I am and what kind of person I would like to share my life with.  But in the end, have I?  Have the lessons of life really taught me anything?  

 

There’s a difference between learning something and then actually applying it.  For example, in math class I’ve learned how to find the integral and derivative but because I never apply it I no longer remember how to do it.  I think relationships are the same way.  If a person learns things from past relationships but then never applies what they have learned to present situations then that person forgets what they have learned.  If a persons actions are inconsistent with what is valued then what use was the information that was learned?

—-

It’s now been about a week since I first started writing this and am just now getting to posting it.  I guess I just wanted to see what happens before I posted anything.  Also, I have been busy getting ready for the new semester of school!

 

I never thought that I’d say this

but I am sexed out!  

A Conversation

I recently had a conversation with someone and asked this person, “Why do you choose to be with the person you are with?  There must be a reason, right?”

He answered, “I don’t really know.  Emotions are hard to put into words.”

I sat for a while and thought about this unsatisfying answer.  I have to disagree.  If a person is unable to verbally express why it is they are pursuing a romantic relationship with another person then it seems to follow that there aren’t really any good reasons.  This person has not fully thought out which specific values they desire in a partner and blindly enters into any relationship that “feels” right.

I realize that some people are not good with words but something as important as a romantic relationship warrants at least an attempt.

It made me reflect for a minute which values and qualities I desire in a man.  I compiled a short (but not nearly exhaustive) list of things I want in a partner/relationship:

Trust

Honesty

Monogamy

Funny 

Intellectual 

Content

Satisfied

Goal-oriented 

I realize that this represents the ideal man/relationship and that (unable to avoid being too cliché) not everyone is perfect.  Not to say I embody all of these things, either, but that these are the things I strive to be and so should the person I choose to be with.  There are (or at least should be) reasons why a person has the emotions that they do.

When confronted with the proposition that it just “feels” right and there are no reasons behind that feeling, a person should question what the motives of that individual are.  Many times the emotions of being with another person are masked by a feeling of not wanting to be alone.  Fear guides this person into whatever relationship is comfortable and once the “honeymoon phase” ends then there is nothing left to support the relationship.

The decision to be with another person must have reasons based on what this person values and not based simply on a “feeling.”