Comment on Cigarette Tax

The other day I was reading about the new hike in cigarette taxes.  Below is a comment from another reader:

“We should be encouraging smoking especially among the elderly and retired auto workers. This would help reduce Social Security outlays and benefits that we have to pay to the auto workers since we now own Chrysler and GM since they would all die earlier. Also, the more smokers we have, the more money that will be available for Mr. Obama and his cronies to spend – opps – waste.”

Urban Dictionary Fun!

Motorcycle Futon Fuck

A couple sits on a futon in a slouched position, wearing motorcycle helmets. the male on bottom in a seated position, the female on top but on her knees as if riding a crotch rocket. The female must also twist the males nipple while performing intercourse while he makes motorcycle noises. As they near climax, they both must begin headbutt each other until the weaker party is unconscious. The consious party then deficates in the others helmet and seals the facemask shut with duct tape.

Josh: Hey guys, why does my motorcyle helmet stink so bad?
John and Abby: I don’t know…we didn’t use it for our motorcycle futon fuck.

Sex in a Bag

A person who is extremely sexy.

Damn that T-Bones is sex in a bag.

Penis Biscuit

1. An exclamation usually directed at a person.
2. A biscuit cut in half, with a penis in the middle.

“Blowesha, you’re a god damned penis biscuit!”
“Carrie likes penis biscuits for breakfast.”

Overheard on the Streek & A Joke

Overheard on the streek tonight:  “They knew they couldn’t prove the assault charges…”

LOL!!

And a joke….

Q:  How many Ethiopians fit into a one-man tent?

A:  ALL OF THEM!

Dance Video

I JUST finished watching this video, courtesy of fixator, and am COMPLETELY in love!!  I am so going to learn these dance moves for the next time I hit the clubs!  Who’s with me?

Random Jokes! LOLH!!

What’s funnier than a dead baby?
- A dead baby in a clown costume!

What’s funnier than a dead baby in a clown costume?
- A dead baby in a clown costume sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

How did the blond atone for her sins?
- She douched with holy water!

What did the deaf, blind, kid with one leg get for his birthday?
- CANCER!

What’s worse than getting food in your hair?
- CANCER!

What are Americans like?

I am taking a management class this semester and in part of the book the authors discuss what Americans are like.  Here are a few of the things they have to say…

Americans dislike silence.  They would rather talk about the weather than deal with silence in a conversation.

Americans value punctuality.  They keep appointment calendars and live according to schedules and clocks.

Americans value cleanliness.  They often seem obsessed with bathing, eliminating body odors, and wearing clean clothes.

Is it just me or are those hilarious?!  My education dollars at work (as we speak).

World AIDS Day

I am so excited about World AIDS Day that is coming up December 1. My immune system is already weakening with excitement that I can hardly stay alive. I realize that it is still two whole months away and that this post is a little early but I just can’t hold it in anymore. Just like all white people, I love events that occur one day a year to celebrate/memorialize/commemorate a certain group of people.  It just happens that people with AIDS are my FAVORITE group of people (with black people in close second).

I am in a bit of a dilemma, though.  I can’t quite decide what to dress up as.  Here are a couple of ideas I have so far…

1.  Full-blown AIDS

2.  Man with a caved-in face

3.  A protease inhibitor

4.  Or just be HIV

I wonder if there will be a POZ Pride Parade to go along with the festivities this year…  I suspect that if there is one then Walgreen would be the grand marshall (or perhaps Pfizer).  I can just imagine the chants of the people in the parade – now we stand here broken-hearted, for all the victims who’ve departed – as this year’s theme song “Oops I Did It Again” by Britney Spears plays in the background.  The usual gay cheerleaders will be in the parade except they are not skinny because they are anorexic and/or bulimic.  No, it’s because they are wasting away from their AIDS medication!  (Gosh, just kidding.  Why you so serious?)

Speaking of theme songs, what do you suppose the theme song for super AIDS would be?  Perhaps “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” by Daft Punk? 

Be sure to send me costume ideas and I hope to see you at the POZ Pride Parade, if not before!

I Lost My Grip

To quote a wise man, “Sometimes you start to lose your grip, but if you’re smart, it is during these times that you learn things you never knew.”

Well, I am retarded; therefore, I lost my grip.  But, I was smart enough to realize that I had lost my grip and took the necessary actions to rectify the situation.  There comes a time when a person’s “roll” must come to a screeching halt.  Mine has.  The days of having my cake and eating it too have come to an end!  I pulled the reins ever so gently (or as gently as the situation allowed) and said, “Woah!”  I am happy to say that for the time being I have regained my grip.

But sometimes I wish the government would just bail me out of my ridiculous predicaments rather than me having to deal with all of the problems that I caused upon myself.  People make mistakes and I shouldn’t be held accountable for ALL of the things I do wrong.  Relationships as we know them could cease to exist if I am not bailed out of my problems.  The entire infrastructure could collapse!  Left would be right, bottom would be top, cheating would be monogamy, gay would be straight, and AIDS would be a RASH!  You see, if I am continually losing my grip there is no other choice than a government bailout. 

So, if you ever see me beginning to lose my grip, stop for a minute and think – Do I really want everything I know to be true to become inverted?

(The answer is no.)

Never a Dull Moment

At my job I am constantly finding myself laughing at how ridiculous people are.  It seems that at any given moment someone is fighting, arguing, or bickering about something or someone.  I mentioned this to my coworker and her response, “Yeah, it’s always THEM, right?”

What?!?!  LOL

GAMES!

For the past two weeks (when I have not been busy inviting then uninviting people) I have baked a cake AND eaten all of it.  For some reason I just can’t get enough CAKE.  The first week I made a double chocolate cake with delicious vanilla frosting.  The second week I made a german chocolate cake with vanilla/pecan frosting.  Boy, was it good!  Those cakes must have been at least a POUND each.  Everyday without fail I pounded each delectable morsel into my gaping mouth.  Just when I thought I could not eat another bite I pounded some more in.  It was as if the cake was saying, “anytime you want to be pounded, I’m up for it!”  I had better be careful, though.  I don’t want to be a fattie!  And that is exactly what I’ll become if I keep having my cake and eating it too.  I mean it’s almost like I’m on a roll or something.

 

And what is it with everyone wanting a masculine guy?  I pride myself in my princess attributes!  Some people say that princesses are only nice if they have castles and horses but I say let my worldly charm speak for itself.  I am who I am!  PEOPLE like to play games, but not me.

Miscommunication

How many times has someone approached you, combined words and phrases that resembled English, spoken confidently as if a native speaker, but might as you try you can not decipher what the hell that person is saying?  This happens to me ALL THE TIME!!

Case and point:

Person A:  Sup yo?  Deez peeps be off da hook.  Yous gots ta be representin or deez peeps be hatin.

Person B:  ??? (what is really understood – ¡¡click click¡¡)

 

Translation:  Hi, how are you?  These people are really cool.  You have to represent yourself or people will not think you are cool enough for them.

 

I work in customer service and we have customers from all races come in.  More times than not, if it is not very busy then the black customers will choose to be served by the black employee.  Today I asked my co-worker if she noticed this.  Her response, “Of course, they speak the same language.”

LOL!!

RE-CRAIGS!!

Who needs to learn ANYTHING when you can have someone do it for you??!!!

homework done for you – m4m – 25 (Chicago)

---

Reply to: pers-814061798@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2008-08-26, 2:12PM CDT

Hey guys. I’m a dude that’s submissive by nature and looking to do a guy’s homework for him. I’m great at writing papers. I’d like to find a college guy who wants a homework slave. Thanks!

• Location: Chicago
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Overheard on the STREEK!

Guy 1:  So you want to come over to my apartment or not?

Guy 2:  Yeah, I do…

Guy 1:  How big are you?

Guy 2:  About 7…

 

Lessons to learn from this:

1.  Never precede how big you are with “about.”  Anytime anyone ever says that then you can safely deduct an inch.

2.  If you are hooking up on the streek, talk a little quieter.

Haha.

 

A funny thing I overheard on campus today. 

Guy 1: Did you talk to that guy?

Guy 2:  Oh, the black guy?

Guy 1:  Yeah.

Guy 2:  Oh, I don’t talk to black guys. 

lol!!!

Yay!

Your weekly dose of excitement has arrived!

the tbones pcast

It’s been several months since I purchased my Mac and I just now have gotten to creating a podcast. I still have a little more to edit but it is very near finished! I can’t wait to start podcasting regularly!

Be on the lookout for it.

I’m sorry but

I had to laugh when I came across this on the CDC website:

“I got an e-mail warning that a man, who was believed to be HIV-positive, was recently caught placing blood in the ketchup dispenser at a fast food restaurant. Because of the risk of HIV transmission, the e–mail recommended that only individually wrapped packets of ketchup be used. Is there a risk of contracting HIV from ketchup?

No incidents of ketchup dispensers being contaminated with HIV-infected blood have been reported to CDC. Furthermore, CDC has no reports of HIV infection resulting from eating food, including condiments.

HIV is not an airborne or food-borne virus, and it does not live long outside the body. Even if small amounts of HIV-infected blood were consumed, stomach acid would destroy the virus. Therefore, there is no risk of contracting HIV from eating ketchup.

HIV is most commonly transmitted through specific sexual behaviors (anal, vaginal, or oral sex) or needle sharing with an infected person. An HIV-infected woman can pass the virus to her baby before or during childbirth or after birth through breastfeeding. Although the risk is extremely low in the United Stats, it is also possible to acquire HIV through transfusions of infected blood or blood products.”

LOL

Someone found my blog by searching…

“bones inside face”

LOL!

Is it really necessary?!

I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw written underneath the NO FOOD sign in the computer lab:

No Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Right.