Epiphany

Over the past six weeks I have spent a great deal of time trying to understand how and why the events of my life have taken a 90 degree turn for the worse in respect to relationships.  I have never understood WHY a person would choose to cheat on their partner rather than have a mature discussion about what each person’s needs are.  It is hard for me to fathom the thought process involved in deciding to throw away a years worth of memories for a one time self-gratification sexual escapade.  I understand that every moment in a relationship is not peachy keen but that does not mean a person should throw everything away, lie, and deceive their partner for one night of ecstasy without any explanation or discussion.

 

This has confused me until I had an epiphany tonight.  He lives his life by the old cliché – sharing is caring!  NOW it makes sense.  Gosh, I am completely retarded.  He cheated on me because he cares!  I bet he thinks I never cared about him because I never cheated on him.  

 

Everything is MY fault.

Dreams

Sometimes I think dreams are a way to help us deal with things that are to come…

An Economist’s Approach to Cheating

When in doubt, do a simple cost-benefit analysis!

 

The (Simplified) Cost-Benefit Analysis of Cheating

 

Assumptions:

1) Each benefit has a value of 1, each cost has a value of 1

Benefits:  

1) One-time sexual gratification

Costs:  

1) Loss of a lifetime of companionship

2) Loss of a lifetime of sexual gratification

3) Betrayal of trust

4) Loss of self-esteem

Conclusion:

Total benefits (1) < Total costs (4)

The total costs of cheating are greater than the total benefits of cheating, and as a result, a rational person should not cheat.  And, being the rational consumer/economist that I am, it would be illogical/irrational for me to cheat; therefore, I will NOT cheat.

It really IS that simple!

Fidelity

I’ve always held myself atop a pedestal in regards to the typical gay relationship. I always seriously consider the man I choose to be with. There is one thing that I hold superior to all else when it comes to a relationship – fidelity. I have never and will never cheat on my boyfriend. Monogamy is a trait I highly value and to be accused of not staying true to my man pangs my inner most being. It always hurts to be accused of something you didn’t do but in regards to something you value so highly it hurts in a way that can not be described. It is this indescribable feeling that I am experiencing tonight.

Several weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine and made the comment that I have never cheated on any of my boyfriends to which he replied, “Really? I’ve cheated on ALL of mine.” Staying faithful to my boyfriend has never been difficult for me. When I find someone that I deeply care about I never feel the need to seek sexual gratification with another man. I fully commit myself to this individual and to the relationship. I choose to be with him and only him, not out of obligation but out of pleasure.

“A hundred times I wanted to kill myself, but still I loved life. This ridiculous weakness for living is perhaps one of our most fatal tendencies. For can anything be silier than to insist on carrying a burden one would continually much rather throw to the ground? Sillier than to feel disgust at one’s own existence and yet cling to it? Sillier, in short, than to clasp to our heart?”

“‘I’m afraid to say,’ said Candide, ‘that it’s a mania for insisting that all is well when things are going badly.’”

- Quotes from Candide