Keith Olbermann on Prop 8

Epiphany

Over the past six weeks I have spent a great deal of time trying to understand how and why the events of my life have taken a 90 degree turn for the worse in respect to relationships.  I have never understood WHY a person would choose to cheat on their partner rather than have a mature discussion about what each person’s needs are.  It is hard for me to fathom the thought process involved in deciding to throw away a years worth of memories for a one time self-gratification sexual escapade.  I understand that every moment in a relationship is not peachy keen but that does not mean a person should throw everything away, lie, and deceive their partner for one night of ecstasy without any explanation or discussion.

 

This has confused me until I had an epiphany tonight.  He lives his life by the old cliché – sharing is caring!  NOW it makes sense.  Gosh, I am completely retarded.  He cheated on me because he cares!  I bet he thinks I never cared about him because I never cheated on him.  

 

Everything is MY fault.

An Economist’s Approach to Cheating

When in doubt, do a simple cost-benefit analysis!

 

The (Simplified) Cost-Benefit Analysis of Cheating

 

Assumptions:

1) Each benefit has a value of 1, each cost has a value of 1

Benefits:  

1) One-time sexual gratification

Costs:  

1) Loss of a lifetime of companionship

2) Loss of a lifetime of sexual gratification

3) Betrayal of trust

4) Loss of self-esteem

Conclusion:

Total benefits (1) < Total costs (4)

The total costs of cheating are greater than the total benefits of cheating, and as a result, a rational person should not cheat.  And, being the rational consumer/economist that I am, it would be illogical/irrational for me to cheat; therefore, I will NOT cheat.

It really IS that simple!

I hate it.

“You have to be very strong with yourself and make the decision… then stick with the decision even if someone tries to shake your mind.”

 

That’s the advice someone once gave me.  It’s easy for a person to decide one thing and then when they get ready to do it someone comes along and persuades that person to do something entirely different.  Too often I let other people change my mind and I never end up doing what it is I want/need to do.  I need to start taking that advice and actually do the things that I decide to do.  I need to stop procrastinating and get business done!

—-

It’s now several days since I began writing this post and I’m reminded about something my mother told me about a month ago when I was talking to her about my sister.  In regards to my sister’s situation she said, “If you let him treat you like that, he’s going to do it.”  She’s right.  And so is my good friend Blowesha:  “It seems to me that sometimes people love people they shouldn’t love.”

 

We always have a choice, even when it seems that we don’t.  I now look back at my past relationships and know that it was a good thing they ended.  I can clearly see how they were not a healthy part of my life and that even though it was difficult going through the breakup it was ultimately beneficial for me.  

 

I like to think I’ve grown as a result of my former relationships.  I like to think that I’ve learned things from them and because of that my future relationships will be even stronger.  I like to think that I’ve learned what kind of person I am and what kind of person I would like to share my life with.  But in the end, have I?  Have the lessons of life really taught me anything?  

 

There’s a difference between learning something and then actually applying it.  For example, in math class I’ve learned how to find the integral and derivative but because I never apply it I no longer remember how to do it.  I think relationships are the same way.  If a person learns things from past relationships but then never applies what they have learned to present situations then that person forgets what they have learned.  If a persons actions are inconsistent with what is valued then what use was the information that was learned?

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It’s now been about a week since I first started writing this and am just now getting to posting it.  I guess I just wanted to see what happens before I posted anything.  Also, I have been busy getting ready for the new semester of school!

 

A Conversation

I recently had a conversation with someone and asked this person, “Why do you choose to be with the person you are with?  There must be a reason, right?”

He answered, “I don’t really know.  Emotions are hard to put into words.”

I sat for a while and thought about this unsatisfying answer.  I have to disagree.  If a person is unable to verbally express why it is they are pursuing a romantic relationship with another person then it seems to follow that there aren’t really any good reasons.  This person has not fully thought out which specific values they desire in a partner and blindly enters into any relationship that “feels” right.

I realize that some people are not good with words but something as important as a romantic relationship warrants at least an attempt.

It made me reflect for a minute which values and qualities I desire in a man.  I compiled a short (but not nearly exhaustive) list of things I want in a partner/relationship:

Trust

Honesty

Monogamy

Funny 

Intellectual 

Content

Satisfied

Goal-oriented 

I realize that this represents the ideal man/relationship and that (unable to avoid being too cliché) not everyone is perfect.  Not to say I embody all of these things, either, but that these are the things I strive to be and so should the person I choose to be with.  There are (or at least should be) reasons why a person has the emotions that they do.

When confronted with the proposition that it just “feels” right and there are no reasons behind that feeling, a person should question what the motives of that individual are.  Many times the emotions of being with another person are masked by a feeling of not wanting to be alone.  Fear guides this person into whatever relationship is comfortable and once the “honeymoon phase” ends then there is nothing left to support the relationship.

The decision to be with another person must have reasons based on what this person values and not based simply on a “feeling.”

Choices

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the choices we make and how they shape our lives. I find it strange/interesting/confusing how one seemingly unimportant choice ends up dramatically changing our lives and how if we had simply altered our choice in just the slightest of ways our life would be entirely different. Sometimes I wonder where I would be right now had I not done one thing or another and if I would be happier if I hadn’t. In what ways would I be different? In what ways would I be the same?

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve made the right choices. I think at times my actions and choices contradict the things I value in life. I make these choices fully realizing they go against what I know I should do and yet I still feel that in some way they benefit me. It’s almost like I don’t want to do what I know I should do. Do you ever feel like neither of the two options are what you want? What does one do in situations such as these?